How Lapis Care can help
Lapis Care works across Hampshire. Our team is experienced, and at the end of someone’s life, we send in our senior team, who specialise in palliative and end-of-life care.
We work alongside the GP and the community teams, and we collaborate with them, raising concerns when we see them. We provide personal and supportive care.
We also carry out Last Offices: the care given after someone has died, so that they are washed, in their own clothes, and as presentable as possible for the family. Many domiciliary care companies don’t offer it. We do, and families can be part of it if they would like to be.
It means the family can be family, rather than the ones doing the caring.
The first two pieces are about the person who is dying. This one is about everyone else in the house.
Looking after someone at the end of their life is exhausting in a way that’s hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t done it. It is relentless, it has no end date, and most people do it with no training and very little sleep. Struggling with it isn’t a failing. It’s what happens to anyone in that position.
More help is available than most families realise, and it is nearly always worth asking earlier than feels necessary.
Help with the cost of care
NHS Continuing Healthcare funding is available, and it’s worth knowing about: it can pay for care in full where someone is eligible. Fast Track is the route used when a condition is deteriorating and things are moving quickly.
Timing matters, which is why keeping a regular conversation going with the GP and the community team is worth doing. They will know when it’s the right time to apply, and they’ll advise. An application made at the wrong time can be turned down, and that’s disheartening for everybody, so it’s better done with them than on your own.
Attendance Allowance and Personal Independence Payment can be claimed under special rules at the end of life, and a clinician completes the form to support it.
Carer’s Allowance may also be claimable by whoever is doing the caring.
A carer’s assessment from the county council looks at what the carer needs, rather than the person being cared for. It’s a right, not a favour.
Where to turn
Your GP can arrange most of it and is the place to start. They can bring in the district nurses, refer to the hospice team, and sort out equipment.
The district nurses manage symptoms and medication at home and will advise on anything that’s worrying you.
Your local hospice doesn’t only mean going in. Most run community teams who visit at home, and many support families as well as patients, including after a death.
Marie Curie: free support line and information. mariecurie.org.uk
Macmillan: nurses and a free line covering practical, financial and emotional support. macmillan.org.uk
Carers UK: advice on benefits and the practical side. carersuk.org
Cruse Bereavement Support: afterwards. cruse.org.uk
Hospice UK: find your local hospice. hospiceuk.org
Hampshire County Council: carer’s assessments and local support. hants.gov.uk
Things people believe that aren’t true
Going into a hospice means it’s the end. For many people it isn’t. Hospices are often used for a week or two to settle symptoms, and then people come home again.
Asking for hospice help means giving up on treatment. It doesn’t. Palliative care steps in when it’s about managing symptoms rather than curing a condition, and it works alongside whatever else is going on.
Accepting help means losing control. It doesn’t. The family stays in charge of what happens in their own home and how things are done.
Talking about dying makes it happen sooner. It doesn’t, and it’s understandable to worry about it. Families who are able to talk about it early tend to find that more of what they hoped for comes about.
You have to be there at the end. Some people want somebody with them, holding their hand. Others seem to wait until the room is empty: it’s a recognised phenomenon, and it happens time and again when a family member steps out to make a cup of tea. Nobody knows why. If it happens that way, it isn’t something to feel guilty about, and it doesn’t mean you weren’t there for them.
A few things worth remembering
Accepting help is not the same as giving up, and it isn’t a failure of love.
Nobody expects you to know what you’re doing, and nobody is judging how you’re coping.
Ask sooner rather than later. Most families say afterwards that they wish they’d asked earlier.
This content is for information only and does not replace professional clinical advice or a formal diagnosis from a doctor.